I am a known disliker of Christmas. It usually involves going back to my home province, either driving on the dreaded highway 401 at the worst time of year or taking a couple of trains down the Windsor - Quebec City corridor. Neither options enchant me (although option 2 absolutely delights Mr. A). Then there is invariably my mother's craziness to contend with. In large fucking doses. I can usually manage two days, but inevitably, we visit for about five days, which is two and a half times my limit.
Last year, I made it clear to my mother that we would not be travelling with a baby. It did mean missing Christmas with her family, and not seeing my dad at all, but the thought of travelling with Gummy Girl at this point makes me want to insert sharp lead pencils into my eyeballs.
Hence, we are home.
And so far, it is a brilliant Christmas.
We declared the 24th and 25th days to ourselves, and so there is just the three of us. I have dreamed of this for years. A peaceful, simple Christmas at home with my husband and my baby.
We decorated the potted Norfolk pine and made pain au chocolat for breakfast. Later, I will make boeuf bourgignon. We might go for a walk in the snow. We'll listen to carols. We'll finish the Globe and Mail crossword. It's perfect.
I decided it would be good to attend the early church service at Mr. A's church last night (despite it overlapping slightly with Gummy's bedtime), and I was surprisingly choked up with emotion during the service. I thought about the grace symbolized in the birth of this special child, Jesus to all, and Gummy to me. How blessed we are.
I also feel like I am holding in my heart a very special place for those spending the Holidays with infertility as your constant, unwanted companion. I think of my friend Veronica, and of dear Suzanne who has just received very tough news. And Conceptionally Challenged, especially, who grieves for her beautiful daughters. May the years ahead bring you babies and happy Christmas morning.
Merry Christmas to all of you. May there be many moments of peace and joy for you during this time.