Monday, October 22, 2012

Halfway today

Yes, it's true. 20 weeks on the dot. Unfreakinbelievable.

A few things before I launch into boring pregnancy updates.

1) I LOVED your comments on my last post. Thank you so much ladies. I feel like writing that post helped me clarify some of the inner conflict I had pulling at me from within. And reading your comments helped remind me that we really all struggle with emerging from infertility into motherhood. We all (will) get there, somehow.

2) I am so thrilled by all the great news in blogland lately. A huge congrats to Egghunt, Ginger and Lime, J.J., La Fille who are finding themselves pregnant, after years of struggle and loss. I cannot tell you, women, how much my heart sings to think of you pregnant. And I also want to acknowledge those who are still waiting. In particular my dear friend Patience, who has had to watch everyone go first, and still doesn't get her turn to be a mom. I continue to hold hope for you, my friend, and can't even imagine the happy dance we will all do when the call finally comes.

Now for updates:

The anatomy scan was on Friday. It went very well indeed. I think gummy is the most beautiful fetus in the world. I was expecting to find out the sex of our baby, but the tech told me it was too early. At the time, I made as though I believed what she was saying, but in all honesty, I think it's hogwash. I know some of you have found out earlier than 19w4d, which is where I was at on Friday. I later talked to Sattva, who said she heard tell Pleasantville General Hospital had gotten into some hot water over revealing the sex of babies, and were now trying to avoid the practice altogether. It wasn't too big of a disappointment, especially when I got to see that gummy looked so healthy. I asked about the shadow, not expecting that anything could be said about that, but was happily surprised when the tech said she couldn't see it at all. She then volunteered that it was a nonfused chorion, the most benign of all three possibilities. How do you spell relief? (apparently, you spell it r-e-s-o-l-v-e-d n-o-n-f-u-s-e-d c-h-o-r-i-o-n).

I've also hired a doula to help us with the birth. When I thought about who Mr. A and I are as people, and how we handle our own and each other's anxiety, it felt like we probably needed the presence of a calming third influence in the midst of what's going to be a beautiful and likely painful experience. Despite the recommendations to shop around, I think I like the one I met on the weekend well enough to hire her.

I am wondering if the little sensations I feel sometimes are perhaps kicks from long legged gummy (this kid is going to run marathons one day). I've got the anterior placenta situation, so I know that it's supposed to take longer to feel the movements in this situation. One of my work friends described the movement akin to when your eye starts to twitch, and somehow, that was closer to what I had been feeling than gas bubbles. So, I think I may be feeling gummy move, but it's not with any certainty yet.

One last anecdote before I sign off. I went for a walk with a friend yesterday, and when she gave me a hug, she squealed and said she could feel my bump. I have not taken any pictures of the bump yet, but I think it might be time to start that. Watch for it in the gummy bear tab.


  1. CONGRATULATIONS on the halfway mark, Augusta! Wahooooo!!!! Love and light, A

  2. YAY! So very happy for you :) Isn't it awesome feeling them move? One of the best things ever.

  3. Congrats on 20 weeks! You probably are feeling gummy - it's so fun.

    Surprised the tech couldn't see the sex. It's not too early, but maybe the position was off. At our NT scan the tech was pretty confident ours was a boy (of course we knew from transfer that it was a boy), and at the anatomy scan it was unmistakeable.

  4. je te fais des bises. Merci pour tes pensées.

  5. I am so, so happy you are here at the halfway mark with a happy and healthy gummy, and really relieved, also, to know the shadow is no longer apparent and apparently benign. All this is news I have been longing for a long, long while, and as happy as I am I can only imagine your and Mr. A's feelings. Hurray!!! And hurray for a doula and for a bump! Can't wait to hear more soon. Much love, Oat.

  6. So exciting! Yes, I'm sure that the tech could have found out the sex too, especially if gummy is a boy. But there is always room for error, so it sounds like they are erring on the side of caution.
    I'm sure you'll be feeling gummy more and more often. It's going to get more and more real from here on out.

  7. Augusta, my heart is so glad. Halfway! And sweet gummy bubs is thriving - happy, happy, happy news. (I bet that quickening is exactly what you're feeling...for me, it was like the very faint plucking of a guitar string:)

    (I am silent lately. But very much here and very much elated for you).

  8. Augusta, this post warms my heart. I am so very glad to hear this news.
    always thinking of you.
    P.S. We have a mutual friend IRL in Lady Pumpkin, she tells me how wonderful you really are (not that I had any doubt). I am day dreaming of the 3 of us having a lovely lady's lunch together :)

    1. I daydream about that too! Can't wait for our lunch date.

  9. Rejoicing greatly for you, my darling Augusta. I think I felt that flutter about then, too. I also had anterior placenta and by 26 weeks, E was like a basket of eels daily. I am virtually rubbing that growing tummy.

  10. Oh this post made me smile, a big goofy grin. I'm so very very happy that damm shadow went away too.

  11. I've been chewing my nails a bit waiting for this scan, so AM SO HAPPY NOW. Oh, the wonderful wonderful flutter! Soon it will be unmistakable. (And some days I get so teary when I think of you and Egghunt and Ginger all getting to move to parenthoodland--baskets of eels for all!)

  12. I LOVE this post from start to finish! what a beautiful thing to reach the halfway point -- I am thrilled for you and what's to come! (thanks too for the congrats on your blog)

  13. Congrats on halfway!! I have an anterior placenta as well and it took until about 23 weeks before I felt movement that I KNEW was movement. And then in hindsight I really was feeling it before then, probably starting around 18-19 weeks, but it was so faint I figured it for gas (I mean, who knows where my intestines are now anyway???). I wish I knew how to describe the movement - at this point, it just feels like...exactly how a moving thing would feel inside your body, so helpful, eh? Once I started getting the bigger movements that would cause big spots to get hard, like contractions or a big head trying to poke it's way out of my belly, I described it to a friend like "you know when you're about to have *issues* and your intestines and whole insides cramp up? it's like that without the cold sweats and nausea." :)

  14. Wow...halfway already!! Awesome...and I started to feel kicks at 18 weeks :)

  15. Oh my dear friend, I am so happy for you! I am also so incredibly touched by your kind words towards me. I am so incredibly blessed to have such amazing support out here in the blogosphere. I can't wait for the day I can join all of you in this wonderful adventure of motherhood. Big hugs to you...

  16. So happy for you!!! Was thinking of you this morning and had to check in, thrilled to read you're doing so well & so excited to see bump pics!

    And in reference to your last post, I think infertility will always be a part of us, but it changes as well. And you always carry that sensitivity towards others with you, wondering if they too are struggling or if you know they are a heightened empathy to their situation. I think it also brings a great deal of perspective to parenting. Even in the difficult moments I remind myself of the days I wondered if I'd ever have this child and it at times helps to bring patience and perspective that this too shall pass (a helpful reminder in the throws of parenting a toddler!).

    Sending continued love and thoughts your way my dear friend.

  17. I'm finally getting caught up on your blog. So excited to hear that you and gummy are doing well! Such wonderful news. I have been reading along in snippets, and I apologize for the quietness. Someday soon (very soon) you shall understand.

    I read your last post too. It's interesting having adopted, as I still am infertile, I just chose to go a different route. I remember early in my embittered phase of IF, I told a friend who had IF issues that she was no longer IF. I said it out of pain, and I regret it to this day. I knew better, even then. It will always be with us in some way. Just as having been divorced and getting remarried doesn't make you forget your first marriage. It's part of the fiber of who we are. It just starts to carry less weight when you aren't battling it in the forefront is all...