Wednesday, July 18, 2012

the wilderness or 6w2d

I decided it was prudent to pee on a stick again yesterday morning. Why? I'm not sure. I just had some leftover from the July 5th stash and wanted to just see that plus sign appear. Well, I'm apparently very pregnant because there was no waiting for a line to appear. It seemed that as a response to my tomfoolery, the cosmic giggle came down on me and I barfed out most of my breakfast (the uneaten portion still in the bowl on my kitchen table). Dude, the universe said, YOU'RE PREGNANT!

Ok, I get it, says the girl currently nibbling on dry rice cake bits (I recommend the lunberg plain salted).

I feel like pregnancy is a sort of deep wilderness. One is certainly a visitor in a strange land. Getting through the day is a goal that repeats each morning, necessitating the right combination and timing of hydration, carb intake, and walking. The nausea is serious, and I am managing it. Although I am a little apprehensive when I read that it is most intense from weeks 7 to 12. Ladies, I think I'm in for a ride.

I had some spotting last Thursday. Nothing of any significance, either in colour or in volume. It did sweep me up and drop me into the land of tears for a few minutes, and then I grabbed hold of myself. I've known all along that spotting/bleeding was likely, and that it doesn't necessarily mean anything.

The ultrasound is booked for next Monday, July 23rd. We'll get to see if this gummy bear has a heartbeat.

I really enjoyed reading all your comments from my last post, and felt like all of a sudden, I had an arsenal to defend against the attack of FEAR and ANXIETY. I've actually started to write down all the strategies you've suggested on a list. I plan on carrying it around for the moments when I need immediate assistance.

I still don't know how this story ends, but it helps me to hold on to the words "we're having this baby." I've even started to integrate the fact of being pregnant into my dreams, which is much different than last time. I met with my beloved supervisor this week, and she said that I was making space for this baby and that it was my work right now. I think she's right.  

16 comments:

  1. Barfing is good....did you know that women who have morning sickness are less likely to m/c? Just a fun factoid to brighten your day. I'll be thinking of you and sending you many many heathy baby vibes on the 23rd!

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  2. Sounds like the universe let you know in a big way that you are pregnant! Funny how those things happen at just the right time sometimes. You are "having this baby" just keep repeating that! It is so hard to be positive after a loss, but try and enjoy every bit of your pregnancy and not let the worry cloud it for you! Can't wait to hear the (great!) results of your u/s!

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  3. I can tell you for sure that yes, the sickness will get worse during those weeks. I seem to be at my peak right now (13 weeks tomorrow). It's very cool but very uncomfortable at the same time.

    I bet you will get to see a great heartbeat on Monday. I'm so excited for you. That first u/s is so very special. Mine was tainted a bit because of the bleeding scare, but the one I had the day after with my DH with me was so great. Watching the flickering was so amazing.

    You "are having this baby!" Yay!

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  4. If you're on progesterone support (you must be, right?) that makes you feel pukier, according to my OB. Once you come off, things should settle down (at least they did for me with LG).

    I won't have email access probably during my trip but will check back in to hear your good news!

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  5. beatbeatbeatbeat here we come!

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  6. Sending you big hugs and love my dear friend!

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  7. Thats right Augusta...show FEAR and ANXIETY who's boss...kick 'em in the knees if you have to. I know...easier said than done! Hope the morning sickness gods are kind...

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  8. Nausea is a doozy, but gets to be predictable enough to manage, plus it is reassuring and when it goes, you'll miss it in a strange messed up way. Too tired to be witty as sleep deprivation is peaking, a very good thing, indeed. But, I'm here keeping up. a list makes a might sword to cut through the crap. Wield it like a righteous knight on those suckers. Fear and anxiety are not welcome right now.

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  9. Nausea stinks!! But yea for pregnancy symptoms!! Anxiety REALLY stinks, and here's hoping that you kick its sorry behind! :D Come on heartbeat!!

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  10. I had a love/hate relationship with nausea when I was pregnant ... loved that I had it, hated how it felt. I am keeping every single thing possible crossed for a heartbeat on Monday, my friend. It simply can't get here fast enough!

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  11. Hey, there are days when I am seriously tempted to take a HPT... I am so sorry the nausea is severe--however good it must be to have this physical sign, I bet it still sucks royally. (In the unlikely event that it doesn't go away by the time you are safely in the second trimester, which you will be, as I'm not entertaining any other possibilities, I've seen a lot of women get great relief from various meds that I forget the name of.)

    Heartbeatheartbeatheartbeat and perfect growth. Very focused on this mantra.

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  12. Next Monday! Gummy bear! Heartbeat! Barfing! Mama's having a baby!!! And yes, my love, your work right now is to make space--inside and out--for this baby. Get to it. ;)

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  13. Sending thoughts & love your way, enjoy the sound of that wonderful heartbeat Monday, hope it warms that lovely heart of yours and gives you a bit of a release from the anxiety (at least momentarily)! Nausea is definitely a good thing at this point, easier to say when you're not experiencing it I know:) Hoping your story also ends with a beautiful healthy baby. Keep that arsenal close by, peace to you friend!

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  14. Sooooooo, what time tomorrow? Because if it's late in the day I'll know not to worry if I don't hear anything. Much love as you get through these last hours.

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  15. I'm thinking of you today. 8:30am this morning....I have every ounce of positive energy coming your way right now my friend! xoxo

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