Tuesday, June 26, 2012

let the waiting begin

I have made it back home, and you will be able to tell since once again, I will be wordy. You can't grow up French and not be wordy. Think of Proust and his 2-page sentences. You'd think that 3 degrees at English-language universities would have whipped it out of me. No. Pour mes lectrices françaises, je ne faisais qu'expliquer que je suis finalement de retour à la maison et que je n'avais même pas besoin de le déclarer puisque de constater que je suis redevenue volubile serait assez pour s'en rendre compte (mon iphone me l'empechais lorsque je voyageais). J'ai également fait référence à Proust parce que j'suis snob. 

The train rides were epic. We particularly liked the DC to Pittsburgh train going through the Appalachians. Except the part where I had to do my PIO shot while the train was moving. But I managed to do it in a train change room. I've never seen a change room on a train before, but certainly was glad to find it there on this particular train. The bathrooms are visibly germy, and I was loathe to stab myself in the ass amidst such an ensemble of microscopic friends.

It hit me this morning that I will drive myself crazy for the next 2 weeks. Scanning for symptoms and trying to determine what they mean is what I'll be doing, under the pretense of going to work and you know, working. There is nothing I can really do about it. I decided to take CGD's words to live by and apply them to my situation: lean into it. Let this be my declaration that I will stop resisting driving myself crazy and will just give into it.

Beta is on July 6.

Monday morning upon waking up in Pittsburgh, I felt a bit off. Something was a little weird with my digestion, nothing major. I chalked it up to train fatigue and had breakfast. Moving on. This morning, I was slightly queasy. Not nauseous, but slightly queasy. Oh boy, did my mind chew on that one like a fresh bone.

And I had to throw some math in, of course. Last time embryos entered my uterus (3dt), I felt a strong bout of nausea 5 days later. I wondered to myself whether this time, if I were to be pregnant, I would feel nauseous 3 days after the 5-day transfer. That would be this morning, so no, not nauseous, but slightly queasy.

Do you see how I will be fit to be tied by July 6?

I got word from the clinic today that out of all those embryos, only 1 is good enough to freeze. I was disappointed and pleased at the same time, if that's even possible. I thought there would be more to freeze, given that there were 11 growing. I lowered my expectations when the doctor mentioned that that some were sluggish and they were hoping for 1 or 2 to freeze. I'm glad there is at least 1 to freeze. And because this is shared risk, we can go through this 5 more times if we need to. I'm hoping not though. But I'm not the one who decides.

It was great to read all your comments along the way. I felt like I had a whole big section of the bleachers calling out our name loudly and with pep. Thank you to all of you readers, commenters, cheerleaders and witnesses.

14 comments:

  1. How exciting. Wishing you a positive beta!

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  2. thank you so much for my honorable mention :) I wish this to be an easy 2ww for you (is that possible?). Hang in there. my fingers are firmly crossed for you

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  3. I'm all for obsessing over symptoms. What else have you got to do? :-) I thought you'd have more to freeze but one is good. I'm really hoping you don't need it, though. Will you be POAS before beta? Oh, and if the embryo began snuggling in on day 6 and continued doing so on day 7 then it is possible that on day 8 you could be feeling some effects of HCG. So exciting. I really hope this is your magic/miracle cycle!

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  4. C'est bien Proust, ça me rappelle qu'il faut que je le lise. Mes doigts sont croisés.

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  5. Hang in there!!! Wishing you all the best!

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  6. Waving a big foam finger,
    Your friend,
    Roccie

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  7. Oh the wait is the worst! I remember being SO convinced it didn't work that I was in tears at the dining room table asking my husband what we were going to do now! Obviously I was wrong :)
    I am praying for you and hope that the wait goes by as quickly as possible and that you don't lose your mind in the mean time!!

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  8. Ugh, the waiting is definitely the hardest part! That is wonderful that there was one to freeze, hope for the future!

    Hoping July 6th approaches rapidly & that we'll all soon by woo-hoo'ing and celebrating!!! Lots of love to you my wonderful friend, may you find peace & strength in the hope of what the future holds!

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  9. I am witness, my dear. I will hop on the hope train with all my baggage and a one way ticket on your behalf. I am on it and with you all the way.

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  10. aaah...I hate this process. But I'm so very thrilled you have begun it. Its far, far more easy to be optimistic and hopeful for somebody else than it is to be for yourself, because of all the paralyzing fear. I hope you can kick some of the fear to the curb and have hope with the rest of us. Keeping fingers toes and everything crossed!!!

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  11. Cheering section in full force over here on our side of the country! May you be hit with massive waves of nausea caused by a perfect little embryo growing into a perfect little person. Thinking about you constantly and sending love, hugs, and slow deep breaths. xoxo

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  12. Good Luck! Fingers crossed for you!!!

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  13. If all our collective hope and love could make it happen...It's been so long since you've had a two week wait, it seems like you should absolutely go as nuts as you like. Plus which, there's no way to stop the crazies. Waiting with you, with much love.

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