Thursday, May 24, 2012

the things we do for love

I have had an emotionally intense and very rich week. It started with the cycle dates being communicated last Wednesday (and confirmed today - hey, it did take a week), and it went deep from there. There is much to reflect upon about it, but let me start with one anecdote.

Context
I was visiting a number of much beloved friends in the US over the weekend, including everyone's favorite: Oat, as well as my friend the geologist who is living with stage 4 gastric cancer, my friend the Nepalese Dumpling, and my beautiful friend Dragonfly.

The trip was prompted by my (previously stated) desire to live in my life more fully, and to the fact that one of my friends above mentioned might have the blessing of fully living his life revoked in short order by themotherfuckingcancer. So off I went on my own, in my little Neko, to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Zoom in
One of the stops on my whirlwind tour of the Commonwealth was at a 1-year-old's birthday party. My beloved Dragonfly is a mom and her sweat pea was turning one. I had been invited to the party, but never thought I would make it, since, you know, it's a 10+ hour drive. But there I was.

The infertile among babes 
Well, I know. It does sound like a recipe for disaster, going to a little one's birthday party. I already have the rule about NO BABY SHOWERS. But this is Dragonfly, people. I love her more than life itself. And her baby daughter. Oh my. I met her once in a dream when Dragonfly was 3- 4 months pregnant (before she told me it was a girl) and in the dream, we were the best of friends. I adored her before she was born. It was amazing to meet her in person. So I watched the sweet, young parents sing to their daughter, with their family and friends around them. I watched as they fed her a tiny cupcake and marveled at her delighted expression. I was filled with joy at this scene. 

A life lesson
It appears that a bitter old infertile can attend a 1-year-old's birthday party and a) not liquify into a mess of black bile, b) not sob uncontrollably while nursing a bottle of pinot, c) not retreat so much as to be mistaken for a new wall decal purchased on etsy, or d) leave the party feeling happier and more fulfilled than she did when she arrived. Ha! Take that infertility.

The take home
I need to keep opening my heart. There are wonderful things to be experienced with those I love.

From Woolcrazy
   


  

10 comments:

  1. Thumbs up Augusta!!! Great to hear from you...

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  2. Absolutely a beautiful view on living your life, and not merely existing in it!

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  3. You're an inspiration my friend. xoxo

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  4. Wow. You are amazing and strong and a wonderful friend!

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  5. Awww... I live in the Comonwealth too! Hope you found it wicked awesome (just a little local lingo for ya). Glad you had a wonderful trip and didn't explode at the b-day party.

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    1. I've been to Boston and Western MA many times, but it feels like on this trip, I got to hear the most pronounced Mass accents I've ever heard. And for someone who relishes in accents, it was wicked good.

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  6. This reminds me to think better of situations that I think are going to be horrible. I was pregnant when I flew to see my dearest cousin for her baby shower. My love for her is much stronger than my pain, and I know that despite the deep Grand Canyon well of pain that has been carved with tears in this mess that you have Everest capacity to have and enjoy a full heart. I am more than impatient on your behalf that more of these moments of joy come your way. Greedy even to wish they would cascade into a joyball that sends you into next year with a little one of your own to celebrate. Thank you for sharing with the wider world.

    (PS. If I haven't told you lately how awesome you are, well...you are. You have been a tremendous support and often bring me to tears realizing with your kind words how hard I am on my own self. Thank you!)

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  7. You are SUCH a wise person, this is so utterly dead on. I now only attend birthday parties of babies if they belong to people I totally adore--- what I fell for the parents helps put away the bloody hell, why not me bit of the program away. And its a wonderful gift to be able to truly celebrate the miracle that is new life, even for a little bit. It makes me so angry that IF has the power to take that away from us.

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  8. Love this! And interestingly enough, we're spending the weekend in that very Commonwealth! You are such a sweetheart, Gussie dearest. xoxo

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  9. You are wonderfully, beautifully amazing -- and I miss you. Themis

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