Monday, March 12, 2012

Just pick one

Thank you for your lovely words of support and encouragement, women. Your excitement for us is most welcomed and appreciated.

I think we have narrowed it down to 2, and it's just a matter of picking which of the two.



I'm an indecisive girl. I consider choices for a long time before making a decision. I can extend the consequences of one choice over another from here to eternity. The ramifications of this choice seem particularly daunting. I try to remind myself that all donors on the list are excellent choices.

Just pick one, Augusta.

(Mr. A has weighed in, but he feels like I need to have a stronger say over this because I don't get to contribute genetically).

17 comments:

  1. I read a comment last week that really helped me to be ok with my choice of donors. The comment was this, "the best donor is the one that gets you pregnant". It's a very tough thing to have to decide. My husband was the same way...as long as the donor fit most of the health restrictions we had he didn't really care. I was the one obsessed with her eyes and her hair and her grandmother's eyes and hair and things like that. Take your time until you are sure and then once you are, you will feel much better. At least I hope you do. :-)

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  2. Good luck! And remember you are not an easy bake oven, you will contribute a lot to that embryo regardless of genetics.

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    1. Thanks for that laugh, nurse Louisa. Easy bake ovens are awesome, but you are right, I'll be doing a little more than baking.

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  3. Choosing a donor is one of the most difficult decisions you will make. I remember how much time and effort I put into our first choice. I literally spent hours and days analyzing the entire medical profile and I could recite it word for word. I finally bit the bullet and then was told, she was taken. UGH. My next choice was available and I immediately jumped on her only to be broken again when she backed out at the last second. My third choice I made in haste. It was hours after learning about the second donor backing out, that my clinic suggested her and I was too raw and upset to have time to contemplate. I needed to move forward ASAP. It turned out that she was the perfect choice for me. The best part, I didn't have time to over think it.

    What really worked for me, was making a list of must haves, niceties and deal breakers. Once you know what you are comfortable with, the rest will fall into place.

    And I totally agree with Louisa - even if your genetics are not part of the embryo, you will be a HUGE part of creating the life that will be YOUR baby.

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  4. Thanks R. It's really helpful to read about your experience with picking a donor. I want to stop overthinking it and just pick. Like you said, our first and second choice may not even be available.

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  5. You know what. I am about to post what just might be the most insensitive comment ever known in the ALI sphere. Cause I think you can handle it. Hell, I think it even just might make you smile.

    Trust me. When that babe is in your arms, you will have a hard time recalling this indecision.

    Which ever donor you pick will be the most perfect and most right and most magnificent choice you ever made.

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  6. It's so hard to have to make a choice when you don't really know what the outcome is going to be. I can understand why you are taking some time to chew on this. Just remember -- Roccie is wise. The choice you make will be the right one.

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  7. I can't even imagine how huge this decision is. (I don't know if huge is the right word, but I can't come up with a better one!) You are in my thoughts as you move forward. I hope that you are able to find some peace in your decision. I can't wait to follow your journey my dear friend!

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  8. This is sort of a corollary to what Roccie said, but the donor-choosing situation reminds me of finding love. I know some people believe that there is only one perfect match for each of us, but I disagree wholeheartedly. I think that so many people can be "the one"; it's all about timing and deciding that you're going to make it work. So don't put too much pressure on yourself or this decision; your choosing makes it the right choice. Sending love.

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  9. Oh I know...this decision is a HUGE one!! Just let the heart do the talking!!

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  10. Roccie is so right....once you have that baby in your arms and life who did and didn't contribute to the genetic make up that made him or her doesn't matter all that much. Nick & I both love Ian with absolutely all of our being and the joy he brings to our lives and the love we feel for him is just as much as I imagine it would be for parents who have a genetic baby of their own. He has filled a longing in my life that no one has ever filled. I say all of this to reassure you that whatever choice you make in terms of donors will be the right one for you & your husband and that your baby will be perfectly yours. So excited for you guys!!!

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  11. I don't think I can beat the wisdom already offered above, but I'll offer my 2 cents of remembering that no matter what you have no idea who this baby will be. Look at siblings and how different they can be! Or, they'll end up looking just like your husband no matter what. Okay, that's a joke to lighten the mood, but it's ridiculous how much this seems to be the pattern in my husband's family - when I'm feeling snarky I remind myself that I will be invisible in any child of ours anyway! Anyhoo, good luck biting the bullet, and just go for it!

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  12. What a peculiar process this must be. I think I've said it before, but I hope it's one filled with a sense of rightness, even if you're not at that stage yet. I gotta believe Roccie is right on this one, even if it doesn't make this particular moment easy.

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  13. How nice of your husband to let you choose more. I just KNEW when we had the right donor - I hope that you get the same feeling. I was able to stop looking after that. At first it was really hard - I remember looking for ME, and she was not there. Within one year of picking our donor I had a screaming baby in my arms. I sure hope the same thing happens for you.

    RJ

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  14. Not sure I can help with your decisionnew but just wanted you to know I am still here rooting for all of the pieces to fall into place.

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