Wednesday, November 30, 2011

unfoldings

And I'm not talking about my winter sweaters, although those are frequently unfolding as well these days. We had a very short mini blizzard today, much to my delight. I am one of those silly Canadians who actually loves snow. Winter is on its way. Hello, cross country skiing.

There has been some progression since our return from vacation, both on the adoption front and on the fertility treatment front. We have actually completed our home study at this point. Our lovely social worker Gretchen has been to our house twice since our trip and we were able to wrap things up this week. It's just as nerve wracking as some of you have described in your posts to have the adoption counselor come over to the house. It was 2 days after returning from Cuba, and one day after starting my new job. I was frantic, but also reached a point where I had to let it go because there were too many balls in the air at the same time. The house was clean enough.  She noted a few things we need to take care of before a child can come into our home like cover the outlets, deal with the blind cords, secure some of the bookcases to the wall, but otherwise, she didn't write us off on the basis of an unkempt domicile. We like Gretchen very much and feel like we are in good hands with her. The next steps in the adoption process, given that we've completed the home study and done the parent training is to register with the private agency we have chosen, as well as some licensees in the region. We are not quite ready to do that yet, given what is happening on the other front.

Mr. A was anxious about having kids for a while in the fall, but he assured me that this anxiety didn't mean he wanted to call the whole thing off. He was in a slump, something I can relate to since I have found myself in various depths of slumps at different points in my life, and with offending frequency in the last 3 years. I can't say that at the time I was completely reassured. Maybe because I am still in slump territory myself, maybe because it's hard to trust that good things will ever happen, or maybe because that doesn't negate all the work we still have to put in to hope to become parents, but, you know, I didn't jump for joy when he said that. I just took it in quietly and thought "ok, then we'll work on our options."

The funding was a big issue for us, since it is not the kind of money we can tackle ourselves at the moment. Parents on both side have the means to help, but it was a question of stepping on our pride and asking them. On either side, we are the significant hope for bringing grandchildren into the family, as I am an only child and Mr. A has only one sibling who looks like he may not procreate. So, the answer was how much do you need and when do you need it by. That was a relief, a blessing. We have been in touch with the DC practice and even had a phone consult with the doctor on Tuesday morning. We are in the process of booking a time to go down for our one-day visit to the clinic for early January.

There is so much more to write here, but the clock has struck the 12 strokes of mid...(well, it's actually 9:40pm) and I am about to turn into a pumpkin.

Sending warm congrats to Roccie who has just welcomed little baby Jay.

12 comments:

  1. so glad to hear that your family is able to help you out. it is hard to ask for help, especially financial but fertility treatments are so expensive and it really is a whole family issue.

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  2. I am thinking of you very often and take great pleasure in these updates. I also send warm thoughts in your mini-blizzard. I hope that will rub off on my sunny girl soul.

    I am wishing I were in DC to offer up hospitality. If you need a bed in Philadelphia, the Misfits make fabulous hosts.

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  3. Hooray, you're a pumpkin!! I always knew you were one of us. ;) So a whole lot sounds as though it's going right for you guys. I'm delighted about that. I know that there's still a distance to travel in either direction, but nonetheless, some really great steps. Let us know when you're going to be on the east coast; I'd love to give you hugs! Sending oodles of love your way.

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  4. Thank you for your kind comment on my blog. I always enjoy reading what you have to say. Although I have only seen a picture of the back of you graduating I consider you to be a good friend of mine. Crazy huh? That is what IF does to us. Brings us good friends and amazing babies. As it will do to you.

    I was so happy to read about the kindness and generosity of your parents to help you financially. I can also relate to the stress of a home visit. I am glad it went well.

    I will be interested to hear about what is happening on "the other front".

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  5. I am DELIGHTED to read that your stove is cooking on all four burners with regard to the baby front. Sounds like an AWESOME plan Augusta! I am glad you were able to swallow your pride and ask for financial assistance from your parents. There are TONNES of IFers out there who have done the same. Thinking of you often...

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  6. This sounds like wonderful progress, if perhaps painfully slow and filled with all manner of emotional complexity. I applaud you guys for putting your pride aside and asking for help. I'm sure it wasn't the happiest moment, and I wish you'd never gotten to that point, but I hear tell that wishing things were otherwise is pointless or something?

    We all know IF is hard on a marriage, but living it is different. It gets to be hard in all sorts of unique ways. I can still recall the things Mr. Bunny said during our process that he probably wishes he could unsay. Of course, it's easier not to be troubled by them now, and I so hope that for you guys. And for what it's worth, which is doubtless nothing at all, a lot of my husband's unhappiness and lashing out like a rabid dog seemed to arise from the fear that if we couldn't have a child, he wouldn't be enough for me. Whatever THAT means. ANYWAY, I'm totally relieved that he's on board with the general ACQUIRE CHILD plan.

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  7. So glad to hear things are progressing well for you. Congrats on the home study completion...I remember well the relief that brings! Hoping with you that your journey to a child will be completed soon

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  8. Im so happy and excited that things are moving forward with your adoptions plans. I will be here to support you any way I can.

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  9. So glad to hear that things are moving along on a few fronts! Keep us posted!

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  10. I'm glad to hear that things are moving along for you. I'm still here rooting for you too!

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  11. You, my dear, have received a blog award!

    http://kecharakitten.blogspot.com/2011/12/you-tolerate-me-you-really-tolerate-me.html

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  12. Oh, big things are happening for you! A successful home study -- congratulations on that. I get nervous just thinking about what someone would say about my house. And what a wonderful thing, that your family is able and willing to help. I know how hard it is to swallow your pride and ask -- but it sounds like you've got a good bunch of relatives who are able to come through for you when you need it. I love the hope in this post!

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