Thursday, May 19, 2011

First trimester grumps

There is a theme in my life right now. That theme is that am behind on everything. Even my blog postings. I apologize for the e-silence, ladies. I am just tired and a bit, well, behind in everything.

Luckily, or hopefully I should say, I am not behind on growing a fetus. But I have to take that one on faith because I don't know what is going on in there. Augusta was all happy to graduate from the fertility clinic at week 8. Yet at week 11, she is wishing like hell she could drop by for a quick ultrasound. My next visit to my family doctor, where I will theoretically be able to hear this owlet's heartbeat, is on June 17.  This is about 100 years in first trimester time. Wish me patience.

My nausea has abated a bit. Quite a bit, actually (alarm bells ringing). I still feel queasy and disgusted by the sight of some foods (volume of alarm bells turns down). The exhaustion continues, and I continue to fight through my days at work, hoping I am not coming across as entirely incompetent because truly, it feels like the lights are on but nobody's home.

My mood has been low lately. I realize that I am allowed to feel however the hell I feel, but it's hard to accept feeling low when I've been hoping, dreaming, begging every god and goddess to be pregnant for years. And now it's here....and I'm cranky. How to resolve the dissonance? I'm hoping a crossing of the line into T2 will help in that department.

I realize there are factors at play in my low mood. The first trimester really does suck the living daylights out of a woman's energy. And my great job is still great, except that to do it well, I would require the energy I had when I was 26, or at least when I was 36 and not yet pregnant. I am seriously dragging my ass at work, and I don't like that. The way I used to resolve the overload of work was to put in serious overtime all week. I'd just put in 10 or 11 hour days regularly and managed not to get too far behind. Now I don't have the stamina to do all this (unpaid) overtime, so I am falling further and further behind.  I have so many darn reports to write that I can't even come up with a plan of how to get them done. In the mean time, these kids schools, and parents, and community agencies are waiting for my pronouncements (in paper format) on these children's mental health.

I have also been missing Mr. A and Chicken a whole lot. And missing being home. This week, I decided to drive back home on Wednesday night so the week wouldn't seem so interminable. That helped a little in the missing home part, but not so much in the fatigue department. Chicken is not too keen on letting me sleep, since really, I could be petting her instead. A complete cuddle monster.

I think that's all the complaining I have in me for the moment. Thanks for reading and not throwing rotten tomatoes (well maybe you are, but that is going to be nasty to clean off of the keyboard). In the happier news department, I've booked a few fun weekends in July to get away. We are going to Montreal, where I'm from, on the Canada day long weekend and spending time up north at my mom's country house. I also look forward to visiting my dad during that trip. I haven't seen him in a year (which is terrible). We are heading back to Niagara-on-the-lake, this time, with some good friends of ours who will be a month away from welcoming their first child. I'm really looking forward to that.

And in the good news department, I just spoke to my beloved friend Dragonfly (also known as A) live from her hospital room. She was due to have a baby girl on May 31, but she delivered early this morning. I am so excited for her and her husband. I will have to go visit this beautiful girl as soon as possible (and sadly, the 10 hour drive makes that trip tricky to arrange (see the part about my stressful job above). I am hoping to head there in early September, before I get too big. I can also visit Oat when I go, which will be marvelous.

Those are my thoughts for now, lovelies. I am terribly behind on my commenting (see first paragraph) and I hope to make some retroactive progress over this weekend. It's a long weekend in Canada. YEAH!


  1. AUGUSTA!!! Mr. Pumpkin and I are going to Montreal for Canada Day (aka my birthday)/July 4th weekend!!! Big pumpkin smile. I'm so sorry you're so exhausted, my sweet, and I'm sorry I haven't been more present for you. Think you'll have a little time to hang out in your groovy hometown? What a wonderful treat that would be. Love you, honeypie. Don't be too hard on you, okay? xoxo

  2. AAAARG! That wait would absolutely kill me. And I take it you're not doing the nuchal translucency scan? Doubtless you wrote about this and I just forgot... I suppose you could get a doppler, but that's probably not your style or necessarily a good idea... OH, for a window in your uterus!

    Um, anyway, do be advised that the nausea wanes and wanes, and it's not inconceivable that it might go away for good soon. And the's monstrous, but keep on plugging for a bit longer and you'll get a second wind. The second trimester is a wonderland.

    Someday I hope we can meet at Niagra-on-the -lake. It sounds lovely and is conveniently located between us! But with your busy social calendar, our children will probably be five years old...

    And was this job a one year position? I know it was a maternity leave coverage, but what's the expiration date? Just curious.

  3. That wait is horrible...I would be in total anxiety mode! Completely understand the fatigue...that is one of the rough parts of the first trimester, I definitely started to feel like I had more energy as I got into the second trimester so hope the same holds true for you! Enjoy your long weekend, get some lovely nap time in and enjoy spending time with Mr. A and Chicken:)

  4. What I wouldnt give for a nap some days, I tell you.

    I cannot imagine the work pressure you must feel. I am just an IT hack, where as you are shaping futures. Uh, thanks for the pressure - but I think you know what I mean. I bet it weighs heavily on you. Certainly you are aware of your limits and I am glad to see you respect them, but pls dont let the guilts drag at you in the mean while.

    I have not been sick the whole PG. Scared the crap out of me as I was quite sick w Toddlerina. Please dont let it do your head in. Have the smells kicked in for you yet? Sweet heaven, 9 out of 10 people REALLY need a breath mint. Now that makes me sick!

    Your scan is light years away. I tried to share an idea over at Misfit's house for managing worry. I dunno, it might sound absurd but it really helped for me. It is a long time to sit without information.

    I am back oin 4 wks and it feels like eternity. I think you got a rough deal on the scans.

  5. You said it exactly: the first trimester sucks the living daylights out of you. And it's very hard to be non-cranky when that's happening. The sleep thing, the nausea thing (by the way, there were several points where I thought I was done with nausea, got worried, and then BANG, not done after all:) It DOES get better in the 2T. Remarkably better.

    Also, I am certain that it's hard to go through that stuff alone, and at a distance from Mr. A and Chicken. I'm glad you have some good trips/weekends planned.