Thursday, March 24, 2011

still.cannot.concentrate

This is was happened after my lament of a post on Tuesday evening. I woke up the next morning, went for my gentle walk, did all my morning routine things and despite being up for a couple of hours, I just wasn't getting hungry. I had a substantial piece of salmon for supper on Tuesday and still felt full, a decrease in appetite not altogether surprising after a change in my activity level. But like a switch, it suddenly turned to nausea. And then from mild nausea to 'oh my gawd, I'm gonna barf' nausea. That is certainly not a remotely typical reaction to my delaying breakfast. I get nauseous on planes, boats, watching home videos, and every few years when I get a stomach virus. Certainly not from delaying breakfast.

To be sure, this nausea could have been entirely of psychogenic origins.  

Or, it could mean something else.

Like the estrogen (unlikely, I've never had problems tolerating it) or the progesterone (more likely, since it is a hypothesized cause of morning sickness in pregnancy) I am on currently. I am taking 2x the amount of progesterone I normally take on my regular cycles. There are theories that hcg causes morning sickness. If that's true, and if my nausea wasn't psychogenic, then I have reason to hope.

No big nausea this morning, as I ate breakfast more promptly, but there was some mild queasiness post breakfast.

I should really be leaving this level of detail to my defense prep. Which is what I'm going to have to do right now.


Some of you have asked if I will POAS and the answer is yes. But it will not be until the weekend after my defense. Mr. August has been quite clear with his wishes regarding the peeing on things and I can see his point. My advisor is having a little gathering on the night of my defense, and then my friends are having another shin-dig on Friday, April 1st. Mr. A wants me to be able to enjoy my celebrations. He knows all too well that if it's negative, it will be next to impossible to enjoy myself.

My beta blood test is on Saturday April 2, but I won't get the results until Monday, April 4 (because I can't do the actual blood test in FTT, and by the time the clinic gets the results, it will be Monday). Because I don't want to hear the results of our DE IVF at work, I will pee on a stick on Saturday or Sunday. Haven't decided yet. I know that technically, I could start testing this weekend, but I just don't want to do this to myself. I will continue to be hopeful and ignorant of whether I am with child until after April Fools Day.

I am stupidly excited about Roccie's darkening pink and blue lines on the complement of POAS approaches she has been using. I am hopeful that my other two cycle sisters, Pumpkin and Foxy are also coming upon some wonderful news imminently.

14 comments:

  1. Very very suspicious symptoms indeed!! Crossing fingers!!

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  2. I like what this could mean, woman. Like it very, very much. Love you bunches and bunches and now, in a wholly sensical turn of events, I'm going to go comment on your last post. xoxo

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  3. ... you also get nauseated when contra dancing (and then earnest hippies call it a "spiritual experience"!). You weren't contra dancing overnight, were you? No? Sure? OK, then, as you say, "it could mean something ..." and I hope and pray it does. I have never before wanted you to be nauseated, but that has now changed. May you feel just a twinge of mild queasiness every morning, and may it mean exactly what we all hope it does. I know with all my heart that those embies are still with you and still loving their fleecy home and their sweet mama!

    And I <3 Mr. A more than ever for his wisdom re: pre-defense POAS. His is 100% right -- he knows his Augusta well. I bless his pragmatic love for you.

    What else can I say? You have all the skills and insight and emotional strength to endure this wait ... but it is still profoundly challenging. Like the AT, like grad school, like healing from your foot injury, like the 3rd week of the 4 week, like all the liminal times you have made it so strongly through. I know and believe you will find moments of beauty and joy in the time until next weekend, and that you will ROCK your defense.

    I know you won't agree, but I say just stop prepping for the defense now, and pick it up next Tuesday. You'll still do marvelously.

    Be confident, be hopeful, be for yourself what you are for me and all your friends -- a deeply loving presence whose embrace makes the daily work, the daily waiting, the daily what-ifs, infinitely more bear-able.

    All my love. XOXO, Oat

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  4. Hurrah for random nausea! Anything unusual is good, in my book. And I've been wondering how you were going to handle the defense / testing interaction. This sounds like the perfect choice. Incredibly hard for an impatient person like me, but very, very wise.

    I second the vote for you taking a few days off the defense prep. I mean, maybe it provides good distraction, but if not, screw it. Spend the weekend indulging yourself in mindless things!

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  5. Your plans sounds very wise. I think with the calendar of obligations and fun, try your best to keep this back lit. I dont know how, but I think one day at a time or something like that.

    I hope you puke just reading this.

    Gotta run. Waiting for my beta call and I cannot see straight.

    ps - Dude, I KNEW that comment was going to be from Oat. See if you can move in w her for the weknd or something?

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  6. Sounds like promising symptoms! I am continuing to keep everything crossed for you!! Keep the "symptom watch" updates coming :)

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  7. Those nauseous symptoms sound good...but you are right, progesterone does do some wacky stuff to our hormones and bodies. I'm just hoping that when you do POAS you will see two beautiful lines. Thinking of you.

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  8. That nausea is a very promising symptom. I have definitely heard it attributed to HCG more than progesterone. And stay strong on waiting to test. It's simply not worth it to break down early, especially with your defense.

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  9. Nausea is indeed good - very promising!
    I can't believe your defense is so soon - that must be adding so much extra stress to an already stressful situation (not that you aren't going to do great!). I think it's a great idea to wait to POAS until after the defense. But I'm hoping that you will have several things to celebrate very soon - two new titles!

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  10. Who knew nausea could be so exciting?! Very smart plan indeed. I also POAS a couple of days before my beta, but not any sooner, it's nice to have an idea of how things are going to play out that day. Also thrilled about Roccie's news!!! Sending lots of positive vibes your way for the defense...kick ass woman:)

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  11. I've never wished for nausea the way I wish for nausea right now! for you, for me, and for pumpkin - I wish us lots and lots of nausea. (Sometimes you've just got to put things like this out into the universe, you know!)

    I really love your calm rational positive approach to this time of waiting. I've always felt like I didn't want to waste one minute of loving my pregnancy. There are important things taking place within us at this very moment, and I send you so much love and peace over this next week.
    xoxo

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  12. I read about your symptoms and started grinning like a loon:) (actually, not even sure if loons grin...but you get the picture). But I think you're smart to hold off with testing. There are things to be gotten through - and to enjoy - before then. And testing too early can just drive one crazy.

    Everything crossed for your defense (and beyond:)

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  13. before dealing with fertility issues I never thought I would be so thrilled to hear that someone was nauseated. I couldn't be happier to hear that your head has been bent over a barf bucket of late. I never POAS i just didn't know what it would do for me. it would either make me really sad or somewhat hopeful but still in a quandry, and seeing how i would still end up going to the doctor for a blood test, i just never did it. but now, i don't think i could wait like i did back then. i think you have a good plan. i wouldn't want to hear the gut wrenching news at work either and then have to try to get on with my day either hiding my sheer excitement or dealing with terrible gut wrenching news. i think you will have to figure out some ways to hide your excitement. i think good news is headed your way.

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  14. found you through foxy's blog - i too am in 2WW. i'm 7dp3dt today and beta is on 4/4. possible symptoms, but i'm trying not to get my hopes up. fingers crossed for all of us!!

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