Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Pinch me

Things are still going well. How is that possible? I don't know, but I'm rolling with it. I can even say that I like it.

I met Sattva at the clinic this morning. Once again, she got up at 5am, drove 90 minutes in the dark to get a needle in her arm and some vagcam action. All before 8am. 

I got to the waiting room and took a seat. I pulled out a pen and paper to do some math on the gon.al-f dosage and when we would replenish her supplies. The receptionist came over asking me for my health card, and I had to explain in a hushed tone that I was, hum, waiting for our donor. "Oh. Oh, I see." She wasn't the usual receptionist but she handled it well once her brain started to put it together. Sattva showed up almost at the same time: she had already had her ultrasound.

Even though we both had to get back to work, we felt that because it was so early, we could afford the time to have a coffee (tea for me) and chat. It's becoming our little ritual to go down to the 3rd floor cafeteria and sit at the table where I sat with little Ginger back in January. I'm enjoying so much all this time I get to spend with her.

Things looked good. The follies were at 1.2 cm, which they said was right on target for day 6. They want to see her again on Friday. We tried to plan what things would look like after that. Will they want to see her on Saturday or Sunday? Will the follies be big enough on Friday that they will have her trigger on Saturday night for retrieval on Monday morning? Hard to predict. We talked about the different scenarios and how we would do it logistically over the weekend. Sattva's husband is away this weekend, so the girls would need to be looked after if we have to go to FTT for monitoring.
 
So it looks like Sattva is actually going to make it to retrieval. This is actually going to happen.

I realize how much I have prevented myself from believing in this dream. I realize it now because I think I'm starting to believe in it. Is the moment of believing the same moment it all shatters to pieces? That is certainly one of my many fears.

Of course, retrieval does not equal embryos, and even embryos does not equal fetus (and fetus does not equal baby).

It just feels strange to go to the clinic and receive good news.

I can get used to strange.

I am going in tomorrow morning for a meeting with the wand. Hopefully, my lining looks nice and plump and cozy. 

Oh, and Sattva and I were having a discussion about how there would be leftover from one gon.al-f pen and she would have to combine it with stuff from another one. Our nurse explained how she could do it with an extra syringe so that she would mix the meds from both, and only have to inject herself once. Pfff! Not our Sattva. She injected herself twice last night, she said with a little grin. She's so hardcore.  

My commenting has been sub-par lately and I apologize for that, women. I have to say, there is less of me to go around these days. I am focused on getting through the DE IVF and getting ready for my defense. Please know that my thoughts are with you, even if I am not commenting with the same frequency. Also, THANK YOU for your great comments, for your support, and for keeping me in your thoughts.

13 comments:

  1. This is all real, and it's happening to you, dear one. Dare to believe. Sending you love and deep faith in continued good news, Oat.

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  2. So happy & excited for you!!! Get used to strange my friend, I think it's going to become your new normal very soon! I know it's hard as there are so many steps to bringing a baby home, but I have to remind myself of this too, the journey has to start somewhere and you are definitely on your way!

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  3. Love you, woman. And I know just what you mean about there being less of you to go around. Delighted that it's looking as though you will make it to retrieval. I may not, which is a post all its own, but I've been waiting for my last one (which I first published freaking yesterday!) to show up on blogrolls before churning out another. But I digress; this isn't the Pumpkin Show. Keep us/me posted as things develop; so excited for you all! xoxoxo

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  4. This is so exciting! Wishing you luck.

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  5. this is amazing news! i'm so happy everything is going according to plan. i'm with you every single step of the way, Augusta!

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  6. This sounds soo incredibly promising Augusta...relish the moment...you deserve it! Keep us posted!

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  7. It is kind of strange to go from getting so much bad news to one bout of good news followed by another! Three cheers for GOOD NEWS! I welcome it with big open arms into our lives.

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  8. *Pinches you* See? Things are STILL going well. I think you can believe in the success of each step and celebrate it, even if you're unwilling to go all in and start dreaming of baby names. Cautious optimism. I hope your lining proved to be a velvety pillow of embryo-nourishing glory.

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  9. I am SO happy to hear this from you. I am so hopeful that everything with this DE IVF will be good.

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  10. This is so great - you really are on your way. I'm so excited for you! And Sattva is truly a saint - what a wonderful woman!

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  11. So glad there are some strange happenings in your life these days. Keep rolling with it.

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  12. This is so going to happen. And the fact of it gives me shivers. It sounds like those eggies are exactly where they need to be, and that everything is on track. It's so hard to forecast what happens from this point but it really does sound like all is on target, and I'm glad you got some coffee/tea time.

    You're doing wonderfully, Augusta. I have high, high hopes.

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