Sunday, December 5, 2010

Quaking Owl

That's me, loosing a few feathers as I write this. 

I'm gathering myself together and trying to pack for tomorrow morning's drive out to FTT (fertility treatment town). I start my  new job there in the morning. Huge amounts of snow have been falling on that city, with much more to come today, this evening and overnight. I'm feeling nervous about the drive, on top of feeling nervous about everything else. Such big shoes to fill in this new position (and such tiny little owl feet to fill them). Argh! It is so uncomfortable when doubt grips you by the ovaries. You'd think with my non-functioning ovaries, I wouldn't feel it, but that's a misconception.

I'm trying to borrow some confidence from my friends who can see me more clearly. They know I can do it and they are very smart people. So, my job is just to trust what others see in me, and stop asking myself to see it at this moment. I may be able to do that later, but apparently not today.

A trip to the gym, packing, book club, more packing, an hour with Mr. August, and then bedtime. Up at 5:30 tomorrow and saying a little prayer for my drive, hoping I make it in one piece.

In other news, I met with my advisor this morning who gave me some revisions to look after. About 1-2 days' worth or work. And then it's off to the committee. We calculated a mid-March defense. This is exactly when I'm anticipating the ET to happen. I'm already imagining my call to me advisor: "Um...March 14 isn't probably going to work, because that's possibly when 2 embryos will be inserted into my ute in hopes that they become babies. Can we do it on the 17th?"


  1. That does sound stressful - about finding a time to coordinate your defense and ET. Is there anyway to get your defense pushed up earlier? Maybe you could say you have a "medical procedure" scheduled for mid-March? I know how stressful both of those things are, and I would want the defense taken care of well before the transfer!
    As to your new job - I know you are going to do a great job, don't worry!

  2. You know I always think that people generally expect less of us than what we expect of ourselves. You will do great.

    Tough to bring it up about needing to be off but it is a priority in your life and that's that.

  3. Oh Augusta, I have absolutely no doubt you are going to rock this new job! I don't know if you realize how much your comments mean just in blogland and if you can affect people that much on line, I can't imagine what an amazing psychologist you'll be with people face to face! Seriously, you leave some of the most touching comments that get right to the heart of what my posts are about, at such a deep level sometimes it blows me away! Stand tall dear owl and fly high, you are bound for amazing things!

  4. Your tiny owl feet are going to knock their socks off. I have no doubt of it. But it's a big change, and a big step. And that's always scary. I'm thinking such good thoughts for you, Augusta. Wishing you well during your drive and for a wonderful beginning. (Slow and steady wins the race...on both counts!)

    And 1-2 days of revision is really very little! Which leads me to extrapolate that your advisor was mighty pleased with your work. How could s/he not be?

    And as for that date: it WILL work out.

  5. Owls are bad ass. Everyone know this.

    Rebecca took the exact words right out of my mouth, If you have this much impact via a machine, imagine the intensity of your owliness IRL.

    My acupuncturist said something about spring being great for xfers. Hurrah!

  6. Just rip anybody who gives you trouble apart with your massive owl talons. Anything new is terrifying, and a new job in a new place, massively more so. I too feel confident you will rock it (or, since it's Monday, have already rocked it).

    It is difficult not to infer that your advisor was quite happy with your work! While I'm sure the revisions will be no party, that's not at all bad! Why so long before the defense? (My experience with committees has been once the advisor signs off, they all fall in line with nary a peep.)

    Best of luck today, big, fierce owling!

  7. I am 110% percent (okay, really, 1000%!!!) confident that you have already made a positive impact on your new workplace as I write this at 2:15 on Monday afternoon. And I have some experience with your positive impact, remember?! (tiny owl feet, PSHAW! -- your presence changes lives, ma'am, and don't you forget it.)

    I am holding your worries tenderly (and *really* hoping your travels were smooth), and feeling lots of confidence in you, dear Augusta.

    WOW re: only a couple days' of work for the revisions. Like Adele said, that ain't much, lady. Further proof that you kick butt. Mind you, we all knew it already, but I hope you are feeling proud of yourself -- you should!

    A WOW of a whole 'nother order re: possible simultaneity of defense and ET. Lots to think and feel about there. As always I am here for it.

    Love you, H.

  8. I hope that the next year goes by for you in a wonderful happy news filled flurry!! I know it is going to be so hard for you to be away from your hubby for so long. I did that for a year and though it was vastly unpleasant most of the time, it ended.

    Good luck with your new job! You will be amazing, I'm sure!

  9. I am playing the theme from Rocky for you and will join you on a jog up the stairs. You CAN do this. You were the one they hired, because you are qualified, yes, but also because you are a rock star.

    I am wishing very safe travels and a solid start at the new job. I am saying a prayer now for March for everything lined up.

  10. How great that your advisor only had so few comments! Clearly your thesis already looks very good :) And I'm sure you'll find a way to make ET and defense work -- I wouldn't have wanted to tell my advisor such intimate details, but depending on the relationship you have this may be fine. Good luck for the new job!