Saturday, November 20, 2010

Happy Bloggiversary & Welcome ICLW

If you're stopping by for ICLW, I wish you a warm welcome. Thanks for stopping by. I'm a bit of a wordy person (which I attribute to my French upbringing), so I'll give you a brief synopsis of my dealio. I'm a 36-year-old Canadian woman with hypothalamic amenorrhea. My husband (Mr. August) and I went through fertility treatments that failed miserably in October 2009. Since then, our beloved friend Sattva has offered to donate her eggs to help us have kids. Earlier this week, we were given the green light to go ahead with the egg donation. We are looking at January or February. If you want to read more about our story, you can check out this post. 


It has been one year today since I started blogging. I'm still here! I wasn't sure I would keep it up, especially around April and May. I had not found many friends in blogland at that point and felt I was only writing to myself. That was ok. I like writing, and because it is public, writing on my blog encouraged me to organize my thoughts a little bit more than in my journal. It was a powerful first step for me to start writing publicly. I am fairly private person and I certainly hold back from talking about my sorrows, although that's largely cultural, isn't it. I didn't think anyone was reading the blog, but it felt helpful to just write. The pain of realizing I would not have children with my own eggs was engulfing me. I had trouble eating and getting through each day. I did a lot of pretending in public, but inside I felt entirely hollowed out. At some point I thought about my friend Poulet Secret who suggested to me a few years ago that I try blogging. She knows me well and thought that it would be my cup of tea. She was right. This goes on the very long list of my debt to her, this beautiful friend.

The solo season of my blog slowly turned into an interactive experience in early summer. This was great timing indeed. I was about to quit my pain in the arse job and throw myself entirely into my dissertation: a lonely endeavor indeed. And all of sudden, there you all were! I can't remember how it happened but to me, it came as a revelation. Infertility had been a most isolating journey up to then. I thank all my lucky stars that I have amazing IRL friends who, although they (thank the Lord) are not infertile, have vast capacities to sit with sorrow. They sat with me and mine beautifully. Discovering all of you out there was an added grace.

Nobody's story is exactly the same, although each is marked by so much disappointment and agony and hope. I found a mirror in each of your stories and felt inspired by your tremendous strength. I was amazed at how much most of you had endured and were still fighting for your hearts' deepest desire. After lurking for some time, I decided to risk leaving comments.  And low and behold, you started leaving me some comments. I was astounded. It was nice to care about something again after being numb with pain for so long.

Where will this blog take me and where will I take it? I don't answer questions about the future, expect maybe that I'm pretty sure I'll keep flossing (that one's for you, Roccie). I know that it depends on what happens with having children. A blog about infertility is no longer useful when infertility is no longer a central aspect of one's life. I fear that a little. Not the resolution or surmounting/bypassing of infertility through whatever means, but the question of what happens to our friendships. These connections have become so important for this solitary little owl.

I wish for our continued friendships. But I would like to say that I'd give that up for the assurance that we will all bring our children home soon. 

Thank you for this year, for your friendship, for reading. 

17 comments:

  1. Happy bloggiversary to you, dear Aoûtie! So very grateful for your friendship and your presence.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so happy to read about your green light for the donation. This is great news. I'm glad that you write and glad for your comments.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Happy bloggiversary! I'm so glad you decided to start reaching out with comments--your blog is definitely a treasure, and I'm grateful to have found it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Happy Bloggiversary to you my dear owl...so thankful to have you here and hopeful that the coming year will bring both of us the desires of our hearts. I hope you know how much your kind comments always mean to me, you always seem to have just the right words to bring comfort and support.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Happy Bloggiversary indeed! I'm so glad that you are still blogging, and that you stopped by my blog to comment a while back. I think it is amazing how therapeutic blogging can be, whether we do it just for ourselves, or to help others along. I hope you'll keep it up, no matter where you end up!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Augusta, you could bring home a football team and I would continue to be here; my belief in floss unshaken ever since you helped to lift it to the stature it so rightly deserves.

    When you find yourself on the other side of the IF fence, I expect you to follow in the footsteps of the formerly infertile who went before us: keep blogging... and change the name of the url if it helps to close the door on the long road to get to the crib.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Augusta. You know when I say your name my faint Texas accent kicks in and I feel like offering you a glass of sweet tea and some BBQ brisket. I look forward to changes in your life and look forward to keeping up with them. My lord, woman, can you imagine if things stayed the same? Yawnsville!

    You ladies keep talking up the floss and I feel some small conversion in my heart. This is my first foray into ICLW and I feel I'm cheating here. But, I endeavor to read old posts and comment a few times this week, just so you'll have something to moderate in those spam comments that's useful.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh Augusta, I don't know how you do it, but you always make me cry. In a good way. Well, sometimes in a sad way, but still. I'm glad I found you--you're a special lady. I wish this year had brought a resolution to your journey to motherhood, but hey, 2011 is where it's at.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Blogging is so therapeutic sometimes. I'm glad you found an outlet the way you did... I know that infertility is so draining on a soul and it's important to have that place where you feel "safe" ... we all understand the negative feelings and the highs.. as an infertility grad, I can only tell you not to give up hope, and to listen to your heart... I wish you the best with your donor egg endeavor!! I hope that it gets you many dirty diapers and giggles!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's interesting--what you describe is exactly what I'm going through with my blog. It was an infertility blog, and infertility is no longer a central part of my life. But I value the friends I made through it so much that I want to keep it going so I can stay in the blogging world. So here I am!

    ReplyDelete
  11. And thank you for YOU! That was a beautiful post.

    I can't imagine what these past few months would have been like if I hadn't discovered this community. It is truly incredible how healing it is to feel understood.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Augusta,

    You are just an amazing person. I love having you inside my computer. I love reading your posts, and am glad you started commenting on my blog. You have just a beautiful way of expressing yourself and when you comment on my blog it brings a warmth to my heart.

    Happy bloggiversary to you from me.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think we can - and do deserve to - have both the children and the continuation of these friendships. I'm so glad we've found each other, Augusta. Your comments always soothe me. And how I am hoping that 2011 is going to be your year. In every possible way.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Sweet post Augusta. Happy one year blogaversary to you.
    And I agree with Roccie, I'm here with you for the long haul. I wanna see you bring home some babies and become the wonderful Mom we all know is just waiting to be unleashed.
    x Much love.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Here from ICLW :) Congrats on your blogoversary! This was a touching post and got me tearing up a bit. This community is so supportive.. without it I'm not sure how I'd be fairing right now. Sending you prayers and sticky baby dust for your donor cycle.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wishing you all the best for your donor cycle. I also wanted to say that in my experience, IF is sort of life-changing, and its impact doesn't end once you do bring your children home (though it affects you in a different way). So I think you can have your children and IF blog too, if you want. I hope everything goes smoothly for you, and best of luck!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Here for ICLW Week, 1st timer and new blogger! Blogging is def. therapy but comments are even better!
    Best of luck on your journey. We are on the road to TTC #2 and we are facing IVF (poss. egg donor). We have a follow up meeting w/our R/E to go over all the test results.
    Look forward to following your journey.
    The Cs

    ReplyDelete