Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Green Light

It's been a whirlwind since coming back from the trip to Seattle and I haven't caught up on all your news yet, but I have gleaned some of the main headings. I feel really sad for Roccie, for R, for Adele, for Lady Pumpkin and for Foxy. Their recent attempts at conception failed. There is no rhyme or reason as to why those valiant attempts failed. There rarely are good reasons, are there? Just shitty IF. That's all. Women, I hold you in my heart, hope that your next steps to motherhood lead you exactly there.

On the heals of our trip to Seattle was a trek to fertility treatment town for our follow-up appointment with Dr. RE about the egg donation. That was yesterday afternoon. As much as I ruminated about it last week, I did not feel nervous about it yesterday. I was just happy to spend time with Sattva. I like our treks over there because of the time it affords us to hang out. A 3pm appointment meant that the waiting room was empty and our bubbliness went unnoticed by absent somber patients.

The exam rooms are arranged for couples, and like I noted last time, it ill fits a group of three. Mr. August sat on the Dr.'s chair, and I wondered how that would go down when the doc walked into the exam room. Dr. RE showed me he was cooler than I thought by just sitting on the exam bed in a relaxed position. His poor intern however, just stood there by the door.

There seemed to be confusion at first on his part as to why we were there, as if he believed our decision had not been made and we were coming to tell him yeah or nay. It turns out we were expecting the same from him. He came out with it rather quickly that all things are well lined up for the egg donation. From a medical standpoint, Sattva is a good candidate to donate eggs. Her CD3 FSH levels were within normal, she had good antral follicle count and everything else seemed fine. He explained the risks to her and we talked about the time line. It looks like January or February is when this will happen. First, there are a few appointments with the psychologist, as well as an orientation for Sattva and I. Before the appointment ended, Dr. RE said we needed to settle the matter of how many embryos to transfer. This discussion seemed to make the intern laugh, which was nice. The last intern was really stoic, so it was nice to see some humanity. He said he would be willing to transfer three, but he wasn't a big proponent. He preferred 2, unless we were firmly opposed to twins. He thought one was conservative, which was what I thought as well. So should there be 2 viable embryos, 2 will be transferred.

A complex mixture of emotions is what I'm contending with this morning. I am excited and hopeful. This could work. Egg donation works. Not always, but it does. If it does, we will not only have a baby, we will also have created a new family. There will be a cousin for Sattva's children and bond between our families.

I'm also apprehensive. I feel like we have just met the height requirement to go on this gigantic roller coaster ride. Now we must go wait in line to get on and then the click of the safety harness will sound in our ears, and we will be off. Who knows in what condition we will come out of this ride. With any luck, one of us will come out vomiting.


Before the discussion with Dr. RE came to an end, I wanted to be clear on whether it was worth putting Sattva through all this; whether the end justified the means if you will. If he told us he thought the chances were pretty slim, I would for sure want to call this off. I wouldn't want her to go through this for a total shot in the dark. His answer, once again, pleased me. The word 'worth' caught his attention and he replied by putting much emphasis on discussing the worth of the endeavor.  He seemed humbled by the phenomena of altruistic egg donation (um, yeah, me too) and felt that it was worth it. He admitted to having gone through with the egg donation protocol with donors much less reproductively fit. He didn't go as far as saying it looked promising, but the three of us felt by the end that he thought this was a good idea. He's been doing this for decades and we feel that we can trust him on this.

So egg donation is a go.

19 comments:

  1. There were a whole buncha things in this post that made me sniffle, particularly the bond between these potential two families. That's such a magical part of your particular circumstances. I also really like the idea of you all stroking your chins and saying "yes, good idea". And yes, scary, I can only begin to imagine, but YIPPEEEEEE!

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  2. YAY! I am excited for you to get started. It's a GOOD shot, which is all IVF can ever be. It's never a 100% for any of us. So, I am glad your doctor feels it's worth it. And man- the emotions do start from there and keep going, it's true. Sometimes I am worse precycling.

    And hey, get your photo requests to me lady! ;P

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  3. I got chills on that last bit. It's a GO! Hot Damn. I see you in such bright light right now, if I can get new-agey on you. This is worthy and you are worthy.

    I hope that Seattle was a delightful, coffee and sweets filled, distraction.

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  4. This is such fantastically wonderful news, A. You all must be so thrilled that Sattva has received the go-ahead to give you the precious gift you so deserve. I love the height-requirement/roller-coaster imagery--it's just perfect.

    And I have to say that, while I miss you terribly when you're gone, what a treat it is to have five (!) consecutive comments from you in my inbox! Yippee!

    Sending love upon love--a lovewich, if you will.

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  5. Lovely post August! I hope you come off this ride vomitting too...every morning or night or whenever your little one/ones dictate. Can't wait to follow your journey.

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  6. I'm so excited for you. So glad that it's a go!! :)

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  7. Oh thank you universe. I have been thinking about you a lot lately Augusta and am just so enourmously pleased that Sattva's FSH and antral count were normal. It is a lovely green light and January/February is just around the corner. I'm just so releived that you have an opportunity to progress with this.
    x

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  8. This is very exciting! I'm looking forward to hearing the next steps!

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  9. This is fantastic news! You must be sooo excited! I get that it is likely nervous, cautious excitement but it is excitement all the same. You now have a real chance. Congratulations!

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  10. SO good to have you back my friend and SO happy for you guys that egg donation is a go! Hoping this new year is going to bring happiness to many of us that have had more than our fair share of struggles!

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  11. Great news on the green light. You bring some more joy into this rather grim scene lately.

    Welcome home. Lovewiches here too.

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  12. This is WONDERFUL news Augusta! I am so glad that your Nov 16th was better than mine!!! It is scary especially since you are so acutely compassionate and empathetic. I am SO excited that you now have a plan that you can put into action. I want to jump around and dance for you (in spite of my own feelings of melancholy today.)

    2009 was the worst year of my life, but I have so much faith that 2011 will be amazing - for all of us. May there be vomit for all in 2011! (you made me laugh with that comment!)

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  13. OH MY! Yipee!
    I am just so thrilled for you. I feel like zipping down a rollercoaster with my hands thrown up in the air and cheering at the top of my lungs.

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  14. As I said, I am holding this wonderful news gently and carefully, but I confess that after I got off the phone, here's what I said to C: "!!!!!!!!!" So now I say to you, !!!!!!!!!! Here's to the ride and here's to joyful, vomitous, consequences.

    Talk soon. XOXO, H.

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  15. So glad the appointment went well. Will be cheering you on as you start this journey. I hope that it will in fact be "worth" it all in the end.

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  16. Huge news! Congrats. I know you were worried about approval due to Sattva's eggs vis a vis her age; this is such positive news. Your comment about vomitting at the end made me laugh; it never occurred to be that this is the only time we ride the roller coaster and hope vomitting follows!

    You sound happy and excited (in that, I'm about to get on a roller coaster and don't really like heights, kind of way). I am happy too.

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  17. I just love the idea of you and Sattva having a grand old time in the RE's waiting room. More importantly, though, it's a GO! Wonderful. Wonderful. I keep writing more things and deleting them...because none of them do justice to this rollercoaster.

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  18. Congrats! Sounds like the planets are aligning. I hope this goes well.

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  19. Augusta, I have been so deep in my selfish, dismal rut that I am just reading this wonderful news now. It is a GO! And a go with all guns blazing, bright possibilities and a doctor who is 100% on board. I am so glad. I want this for you yesterday.

    Transferring two sounds very wise. It avoids being overly conservative (but also avoids the opposite...no use playing it TOO safe).

    I'm so hoping for vomit. (Which sounds so very, very wrong).

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