Wednesday, September 8, 2010

If only I could blame it on baby brain

I apologize for not posting since Friday, but I fear I might have forgotten. Forgotten? Yes, it seems I am loosing my mind. Mr. August asked if I had maybe left my mind at school. Not a bad hypothesis. I'm surprised he didn't suggest it was due to a lack of kidney beans.

Let me explain. First, I have to tell you that I am endowed with a great memory. I have a GREAT memory. I'm not a circus show or anything, but I remember many things easily. My good memory is within the realm of the average population, within 2 standard deviations probably, but it's one of my sharpest assets (that and my rosy cheeks). I remember details about friends of friends' who I have never met. Like, where they went to college and the name of their siblings and their birthday. My good memory has served me very well and I am immensely grateful for it. Most of my undergrad was about taking multiple-choice tests and this little skill came in handy. Also, as a therapist, having a good memory is extraordinarily useful as it helps me connect with patients because I remember what they've told me in past sessions without having to write it down (but I do write it down because I'm ethically bound to do so).

Well, with all this boasting of my amazingness, I need to interject here and tell you that my memory failed me unscrupulously in the last few days. Two major breakdowns of my memory functions within the span of a few days. And now I am paranoid. What the heck else have I forgotten?

First, I forgot to feed my friend's cats and let them in for the night on Saturday evening. When did I remember? Oh, a full 24 hours later, at which point I raced over to her house and fed them (which meant they got fed three times on Sunday evening). Second, I made an appointment to go donate blood on Tuesday morning at 8am, and thought about it at about 5pm that day.

If I could only blame it on baby brain.

It's probably more like dissertation brain. I have been immersed into writing up my research and hopefully producing the full document by the end of September so that I can FINALLY MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE! But the memory lapses are unnerving. I must say I also thought it might have been the low estrogen, since there appears to be a link between low estrogen and memory loss. Or maybe I'm having very, very early onset dementia. But now I'm slipping into a hypochondriac state, and I will grab hold of myself for your sake and spare you the neurotic downward spiral.

I decided to go up to 4mg of est.race for this cycle. The rise from 2mg to 3mg was not all that noticeable. I know the doctor said that what is best is the lowest effective dose, but I sort of want to see how it will feel at 4mg. And he said he was comfortable going up to 4mg and let me decide how to do it. So, I'm deciding. 4mg of est.race and no dairy, wheat or kidney beans.


  1. Feeling like you are going crazy is never a good place to be but I think you are right, long research documents make the brain want to jump ship! I'm sure after a break from all that stuff your mind will find its way back.

    Good luck with the increase in est.race! I'll be praying for you!

  2. Dissertation brain sounds like a really reasonable explanation. I'm PSYCHED that you have end of September as a goal (which I'm sure you'll meet). I bet your world will be a lot sunnier when that's behind you. Which is not to say there won't still be plenty of clouds, but hey. I once had a fabulous memory--I was always creeping people out by remembering things they wouldn't expect me to. But it's completely tanked in the past couple of years. SIGH.