I have had a few posts running in my head, but couldn't quite put them down. One of the posts I was writing in my head ended up in my journal, which is ok. I may still write about that in sort of a top 10 list of worse things to say to an infertile woman. I had 2 doozies in 1 day last week and I was a bit stunned by it.
Today, I would rather leave this a complaining free zone and instead, talk about the brave step I took. I phoned the infertility clinic to make an appointment with our RE. Sounds quite banal, doesn't it? Except that the reason we want an appointment is that we need to discuss egg donation. (pause). (deep breath). A donor has come forward.
In the US, egg donation can be arranged through anonymous donation or altruistic donation. In Canada, it is illegal to pay for gametes, hence sperm and egg donation are more complicated. Egg donation is mostly done through altruistic donors, with a few Canadian agencies appearing to have found loopholes around the legislation and providing eggs through I'm not sure what means (I think some work with US agencies). In any case, a trip to the US for egg donation would be upwards of 20k and folks, if I hadn't mentioned it before, I'm still a grad student (but hopefully not for long) and Mr. August is an organic farmer. So despite the lure of young American eggs, the price is outside of what we can reasonably afford.
So, altruistic donation has been the one option that wasn't completely shut close to us yet (yes, I guess anonymous donation in the US was also not completely closed, if you count winning at the lottery or begging our parents to part with a good segment of their life savings as viable options). This past year, two of my most beloved friends have offered to donate eggs when hearing about the failure of our fertility treatments. Their offers touched me so deeply and taught me about what generosity means. Both offers were most sincere, but in each case, circumstances made the potential to consider the egg donation difficult.
Yet in early June, another beloved friend (Have I ever mentioned that I am blessed with the best friends a girl could ever dream of?), upon hearing of our "last option", very seriously and wholeheartedly said that she wanted to donate eggs. Several discussions later between her and her husband, between me and my husband, and between she and I, we are ready to take the preliminary steps.
I have been very fearful of this next step. I could have called our clinic 3 weeks ago and didn't. Instead, we went canoeing and I put off the phone call.
The risk of hoping looms large in my heart.
Am I ready to get back on the roller coaster? Am I ready for the potential failure of yet another infertility intervention? I'm not sure. But much like Jess wrote today , there is an imperative to keep hoping.
I made the pone call, anyway. Mr. August and I are going on August 19. I like that date. 19 is a great number for me.
I want to write more about this but my brain is shutting down. I was up late last night dealing with my kitty who got sprayed by a skunk.