Saturday, April 10, 2010

foul weather friend

I've got a long way to go to be a good blogger. I feel like I am treating this blog as a foul weather friend. I write when I feel so far down the end of the barrel that I need it to float me up a bit. At least the blog doesn't have feelings that I can hurt. But with my inclination to anthropomorphize just about anything, I do feel like I'm letting it down. But really, Augusta, you can't have a reciprocal relationship with a URL. Really.

So the wedding is done, the honeymoon is over, the thank you cards will be on their way out to the mail soon. It was a bit of a high for a while, this whole wedding business, a welcome reprieve from this really awful time I've been having since October. I think I was really enjoying the reprieve, basking in it really. I didn't have to interact with pregnant ladies on the honeymoon.

But then a few weekends ago we had Soup Sunday, where our friends get together and eat soup at someone's house. I was happy to see everyone, but then it all turned to pregnancies and babies. Two pregnant friends are in that group and I've only managed to tell one of them about our situation. So it was all about ultrasounds and due dates and such. It's really wonderful for them. And it hits me like a punch in the chest every time.

So the weather has been foul, in the chambers of my heart, and perhaps that is when you do need a friend. I am fortunate to have good friends who want to hear how I am doing and let me talk. Perhaps I can also just accept that the blog is a foul weather friend for now. It may be transformed into something else someday (adoption blog comes to mind) or I may abandon it altogether. But it seems like I need it for now. So I'll keep writing.

2 comments:

  1. FOr what its worth, I think you are an incredible blogger. It's not always about quantity, and you sure have the quality part covered. Just read back thru your history and am touched by every post.

    Your perception of hope, and the words you use to describe it, are perfect. I've struggled with that word, because it implies so much and people tend to just throw it around without regard to the power and meaning that comes with it.

    And how you talk about being punched in the chest. I find myself actually bracing my body for impact every time we get news, or we get together with friends. I haven't heard others describe it in that way, but i definitely feel like I have to be constantly prepared for impact.

    Keep writing, You are beautiful!

    Wishing I could join you for Soup Sunday! Sounds delish!

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  2. Thank you Foxy. I am so glad that my words can touch your heart, and that you are able to let me know. I feel less alone and maybe so do you.

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