Eggs are the missing link between our desire to become parents and having a biological child. No eggs. Or should I say, sleepy eggs. They are apparently in there, but cannot be stimulated to develop into follicles and be released into the fallopian tubes. No gonadotropins, which means no LH, no FSH, and no eggs being released. Treatment cycles valiantly attempted, gonadotropins injected into my belly, but nothing to wake them up. No dosage worked. Just failure.
I think about how my body is ready in every way to be carry a baby. I'm a healthy, wide-hipped, strong, rosy-cheeked, woman with a fine uterus. Just no eggs.
We could migrate south, briefly, and purchase donor eggs. It's illegal in Canada to purchase donor eggs and as such, donors are usually altruistic donors.
I contemplate this option, setting aside the fact that we have just enough money to live on right now, and lots of debt, and wonder if my heart can take it. Do I have any courage left? I must have, I must still have some courage left in me.
Will I put all those eggs in one basket? The financial risk, the emotional risk and the investment of time and energy required to go ahead with egg donation are terrific. I know that we need to decide fairly soon what next steps we will take, but I have not been able to focus on very much since October 1. I've knit most of a hat. I've read some books. I've gone to work.
Is it eggs that we need to seek or is it a child to adopt? No answer has surfaced yet, but I will share in my process to arrive at one.